Dancing with Eureka

It’s been a while since I’ve had a dream, I really don’t have them too often; I had two in one week. One was disappointing and made me approach certain fears I’d been running from, things I buried deep in my psyche. In the more recent dream I prevailed at the end; it was a lot the things I had forgotten about and had to deal with first hand quite a while back. Both dreams came together to form one whole picture, quite amazing if you ask me.


So in my dream, I ask this girl to dance, and she says, “Oh, I don’t dan…” and just then, I scoop her up and we dance on some type of floor that seemed like ice. It was sort of like the stuff you see on TV when the Olympics are on, but I wasn’t dancing as gay as the dudes that usually do the ice-skating thing. So anyhow, I took some risks that would have her fall or stand on her own.

My fear was letting her stand on her own, as if she would blame me for putting her in a situation she cannot handle. When the girl tried to say “I don’t dance” or maybe “I can’t dance” it was the equivalent to “I can’t swim” in my eyes, and it was as if I pushed her in the deep end of the pool. However, I quickly realized it was not the same thing, no ones life was at risk here; the most she could suffer is a bruised ego, or bumped knee.

I understood right then It wasn’t that I didn’t trust women in my life because they didn’t deserve it; it was more of me not trusting myself. I don’t trust in my faith in others, which was not really what I was expecting to find when I looked deep inside myself. I have to trust that “she”, whoever she is, is just as able as I. I have to trust that she can hold her own, and realize that “female” does not mean “fragile”.

So in the end I have to realize that there are women who are likely stronger then I am, and maybe those are the type of women I need to associate myself with. I don’t need to be anyone’s hero, or some knight in shining armor to rescues some damsel in distress. Sometimes the battle calls for two fighters, so maybe I should fight the battles beside “her” instead of trying to fight them for “her”.

I do believe that “anything worth keeping is worth fighting for”, but I guess you still have to pick your battles either way. I think I can discern them from this point on.

-Shaum