Perfect 10

So the story goes kinda like this, I see girl, I think girl looks amazing, I think girl looks a little TOO amazing, I am pretty convinced girl is the finest thing I’ve ever seen, I conclude I could never hook up with girl in 1000 years, I leave girl alone for now. As funny as this all may sound, I went even farther with it after I was able to review some of her previous work. I said to myself, “This girl doesn’t like guys, I can tell”.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know you are thinking that I probably made this excuse up as a way of making myself feel better about her being out of my league; I even thought I was doing this, but the more I saw her work, the more I said to myself “There is no man on earth who could pull that, there can’t be… she has to be gay, there is no other possible plot twist to this story”! If in fact there was a time she was straight (which I doubt), I am sure the guy who was lucky enough to be her man was blessed by the heavens, and I seriously hate him if he exists.

Aside from the comedy of this interesting circumstance, I actually had the chance to confirm my suspicions on a few occasions, and it gets worse. It appears that if she does like just girls, they ALSO have to be hot-as-hell too! WOW! So now I’m like, if you are a guy who’s interested in her, you have to look better then or equal to her or your S.O.L. This is all running through my mind every-so-often, and it always starts with me having to review her portfolio for one reason or another. So I say to myself, “I want to employ her for some of my own projects, I need a closer look at this mysterious woman”.

Please don’t forget, I had already made up my mind that there could never be anything between us, I mean… she’s amazing. Perfect smile, perfect legs, perfect feet, perfect build, perfect hair, perfect voice, perfect vocabulary and a perfect walk, just… perfect everything. This girl is so perfect that when she walks past, you can feel her ambiance penetrate your spirit, then set it on fire right after! She’s a bad biish, and I kid you in NO such way! However, in this strange turn of events when her and I where able to make direct contact… it was different.

On a usual day she seems distant, avoidant, flaky, and phony… sort of like she is being nice because it’s what people do, not necessarily because that’s the person she is. Now this may seem like something a hater would say, and don’t get me wrong, I probably was one at first, but this time it was different. I think for the first time she actually saw me, not when you physically see someone because they are in front of you, no, not like that. I think she actually “saw” me, I say that in the manner as if “I stood out from the crowd”.

Of course this could have been my vivid imagination, and I didn’t doubt that one bit, but it was when she came back to hang around for a while was I totally sure. “No way…” I said to myself, “No f**kin’ way…”. If I actually managed to pull this rare jewel, it would feel like winning the “pick-6 lotto”, I would probably pass the hell out, and wake up in an ambulance. Naw, seriously though, I would excuse myself to the restroom and celebrate like a mad-man though. Finally, it was when I smiled at her that I was sure my suspicions where accurate, and when her almost as equally gorgeous girlfriend had come, drag her away, and gave me the “ice grill” it was a wrap.

If this story ends the way I think it will, no one, and I mean “not a damn soul” can tell me I ain’t GAWD. I’m not really into chasing dreams though; I’m more interested making them a reality… I tell you one thing though, I’m not into sabotaging relationships or coming between people, but if on some odd day she comes to me poppin’ that lip gloss in my ear, the word “no” will not be escaping my mouth. She better watch her girlfriend… closely…

…and here I am droppin’ dimes.

-Shaum

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Girls who like girls.

I was always curious as to how this worked, do girls look at other girls like I do, or do they look at em’ differently. I mean, if a sexy lady with a nice @$$ walks past, do they look at her like I would look at er’, or is it somethin’ else to this. I just had to know, and when the opportunity came up to give a lesbian lady the 3^rd degree, I didn’t pull any punches. Now keep in mind, ladies tend to speak in code, it’s like they can’t just say what they really want to say unless they’re tipsy, so I had that part taken care of.

So I start to ask her a list of question off the top, makin’ sure to sit next to er’ in a nice and comfy barstool setting, a few drink in er’, and some serious game. I know she didn’t like guys the same way she would moisten up to a fine lady, but I know every woman has a mode, so I had to bring er’ there to get answers. Most of it was layers of bulls**t about emotional attachment and metal sex, blah blah blah, but as she got more liquor in her veins, the truth game out hard.

I couldn’t believe half the things she was telling me, I mean, I know the types of things I would love to do to a sexy dime piece, but I wasn’t nearly on the level she was wit’ it. I had to take mental notes because I was convinced that the s**t she was on would definitely turn a b**ch out. I was always under this impression that dudes where nastier then girls where when it came to “gettin’ it in”, but holy f**k was I wrong. I mean, she really started feelin’ er’self… like literally.

Really, I gotta admit that she kinda drew me in with the detail she was droppin’, and the drinks seem to make her forget I wasn’t her type, if you know what I mean. I was too close to throwing morality out tha’ window, but ma’ boy snapped me back into reality and reminded me that her girl was just in the next room. I didn’t want to break up a perfectly good relationship just cuz I got caught up, but I can’t say I don’t regret it either; at the same time, I kinda feel like I cheated ma’self out. I don’t know.

What I do know, is that girls that like other girls can get down and dirty on a level I never thought possible. I even found out that they have their own sexy s**t, like porn collections of girls makin’ it clap. I was like, WTF? You always find something good when you peel back that fake layer girls like to floss in da’ public eye; but when you pull dat’ curtain back, you better be ready for what comes at you. Dem types of girls go hard as s**t, and it’s no wonder I like em’ so damn much.

Too bad it can’t ever be more then just a fling, and I’m so serious right now.

-Shaum

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