You betta’ shop around! (Part II)

I can’t say this is the first time I've ever left the grocery store with more then just the things I came to pay for, but it was certainly the most interesting. Just as I was about to check out, I had remember I wanted some seafood salad and herbed scooper chips to eat it with. In all this last minute running around, trying to get out before the rush, I just went ahead and ordered cheese as well. Waiting on my order, I turned around to see how the lines where looking, and there she was…

A rather short girl, with pretty glowing skin, rosé pink lips, a perfect smile and the most sparkly-deep eyes I’ve ever seen. It was like she was looking right back at me at the same time. The funny part was when I tried to look away like she was just part of the whole picture, but damn she stole the show, and I just couldn’t move my neck, like she was drawing me in with a magnetic force. I simply had to look down and away to break her spell, but I kept trying to peek out the corner of my eye.

The last thing I needed was a new girl in my life to complicate an already rocky situation. Plus, she was kind of short and WAY too cute to be a “nice girl”; I could smell her mischief from where I was standing. I guess this is the part where I make a comparison of her being a nice, juicy, well-stacked cheese burger staring me in the face, when I am supposed to be dieting. In all my strength I simply said to myself, “you know what, I know what you’re thinking, but just let it go; there will be another time, but just not today”.

I felt this calm after talking to my inner self, and opening my eyes to gather my thoughts, but there she was, standing right next to me, trying to decide what she wanted to grab from the lunchmeat section. I could see some older guy she came in with peeking around the corner, checkin’ up on her an' $#!t; It kinda’ made me mad, I wasn’t planning on messin’ with this girl, so why are you grillin’ me. It was really self guilt, as when I think about it now, I was only resisting her charms, I wasn’t necessarily immune.

Now was the time to move, but my feet had cement in them, and when I heard her speakin’ out loud to herself like she was having just the hardest time making up her mind, I suckered myself into just wanting to hear her voice, and when I finally did, it was a “hey”. All I could do was clumsily returning the sneaky hello that turned into shady conversation, as if we both had something to hide. I seemed to catch on to her clever plan to side-talk and browse, how I knew how to play this game is beyond me.

It finally ended with the guy having to physically come get her before she would leave, but not before slipping me a crumbled-up receipt. “Wow… I wonder what this is” I thought. Just when I get out of the f**king frying pan, I jump into the gawd-damn fire. This isn’t going to end well, I just know it, but everything in my id is telling me to play along.

Just when I was going to toss that paper ball into the cracks of the cooler, a vision of her bare navel popped in my mind… and how much I just wanted to kiss it… just once, maybe… Just when I think I have it all figured out, here I go again. F**k my life...

-Shaum

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You betta’ shop around!

Now that I’ve began doing my daily workouts, I need to start eating better foods. I’ve always had low body fat, but I need even less if I want my muscles to show and my skin to tighten up. I finally found a person to model after, mostly because there are a certain type of abs I want. I know having a six-pack will be nice, but I’m more interested in having eagle-wings and a slightly define abdomen. I think it will make me more unique, and I think it will be sexier. However, just like my tattoos, I’ll seldom show them off, so only girls who are close to me will get to see them… unless of course I decide to go swimming next summer.

In all my transition, I kinda felt like I was out of place, either I was doing too much and getting the wrong kind of attention, or not doing enough and getting missed and passed over. I found my nice little sweet-spot where I get only the attention I want, and avoid all the attention I don’t need. I usually can never find such balance in things I have no real experience in, but I guess the answer to the question I was searching for is… take your time, and build yourself up like you would anything else. First you lay the bricks, then you lay the bonding, and then you repeat the process, a building doesn’t create itself, nor is it put up in one day, it takes time and work.

In the same breath I had to shake off some dead-weight. Really I had to separate the types of women I was dealing with in three groups. They where the kind that kept me around because it was easy, who really probably had no plan on being with me in the first place. Then there where the ones who I talk to every now and again, who are in relationships and keep me around as a back-up incase $#!t goes bad for them. Then lastly, the few who had the potential to be good partners, genuinely liked me, or who fell into the cracks because I was too distracted with girls I shouldn't have been dealing with. It was tempting to just pull the plug on those who I made my mind up about and just do a large dumping, but that’s not how it works, and I’m glad I didn’t.

What I found out from the experience, is that a lot of the women I was accusing of being cold and flaky where only acting that way because I was acting that way. They thought that it would get my attention, because they didn’t know how else to do it. Then there where some who where just flaky to begin with; I had to except that, had I just did $#!t arbitrarily because I was feelin’ ma’self at the time, I would have made a lot of bad choices in one sitting. This is when I realized that even though perception might seem like reality, it sometimes is just what you WANT to see, and it’s not what REALLY is. I’m sure I might have let go a few people who might not have had it coming to them, but I am certain there wheren't many, as I was as careful as I could humanly be with my choices.

It was usually the things that where cheap, easy and taste good that where the things for me, sort of like the things I used to eat. Now that I’m trying to improve myself, I have to find things that might be more expensive, and might even take more effort to cook and prepare, but taste just as good, or better. The most important thing though, is that it’s just all together better for me. So now I can truly say that I pick ma’ friends like I pick ma’ fruit… cuz I actually do that now. All this is running through my mind as I finish filling up my shopping cart; I guess it’s moments like these that you get to do the most soul searching, and boy am I ever glad moments like these exist.

-Shaum

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